Although confidence is bandied about as an individual, empowering thing, it’s also an insidious neoliberal, capitalist, patriarchal ideal that can often be more harmful than not.
It tells us that:
- ‘you just have to be confident!’
- ‘just do it!”
- ‘just be yourself!”
- ‘fake it til you make it!’
But often, this brand of confidence translates into very specific expressions of extroversion, assertiveness, loudness and a constantly upbeat, can-do attitude that’s not comfortable nor aligned for many people.
It also defines success as an entirely individual endeavour and responsibility, while overlooking how social inequalities and structures make it much harder – or near impossible – for huge swathes of the population to ‘be confident’ and ‘just do it!’
Rather than forcing ourselves to conform to ideals that just don’t serve or suit us, I propose replacing this incessant emphasis on CONFIDENCE with a quieter, centred, knowing sense of EASE…
… where ease arises from and translates into
- acknowledging your own strengths, gifts and talents (whatever that looks like)
- knowing and owning your likes, dislikes, desires and needs;
- defining your boundaries and honouring them;
- understanding all this and being fully, truly, completely okay with it, even if it doesn’t fit or look like social ideals of ‘confidence’
With this quality of ease, you’ll then be living and ‘being’ from a space that’s far better aligned with the values you hold most dear.
You’ll be moving from a space that feels truest and most congruent with who you are.
You’ll be responding from the truest, unshakeable core of YOU, instead of others’ expectations.
You’re at ease with who you are, exactly as you are.
And, bonus track: being completely at ease will mean you come across as deep-down, all-round confident anyway. Perhaps even more than those extroverted, bolshy, ‘confident’ show-offs!
Related Posts:
Where does confidence come from? Part 1: meaningfulness
Where does confidence come from? Part 2: Security
Where does confidence come from? Part 3: support
Confidence must come from within
This post was originally written and published on Jamie Pei’s Linked In account. It has been lightly edited for republishing here and Related Posts added. For more from Jamie Pei, explore her The Messy Coach site and Substack here. Added to the Spotlight On: Confidence in March 2024.
