I originally published this post in November 2010 and reran it in November 2011.
It’s that time of year.
No matter what you celebrate (if anything) you are going to be invited to parties.
Many of these parties will involve talking to people you don’t know very well — the husband of your department chair, the best friend from out of town, the new neighbor from a few streets over.
I bet you’re dreading it. Especially if you haven’t yet made the transition into a long term career.
So, what do you do?
The first thing most people ask one another when they begin a non-professional acquaintance is some variation on, “So, what do you do?”
And if you aren’t sure what you do, or what you’re going to do, or what you want to do, well, trying to explain the complexities in a party-friendly way is just about enough to make your head explode.
But there’s a far less painful way to get through the holiday socializing — and a far more useful one as well.
Turn those parties into a career research opportunity
Yes, it may very well be opposite day around here again.
- image used with permission of Christine Martell, Visuals Speak
The biggest problem with the chocolate box view of your career possibilities (you can do anything!) is that you are missing that sheet that tells you what each of the chocolates is.
And it’s much harder to sample every possible career to find your favorite than it is to sample each chocolate.
Instead of dreading all the “what are you doing these days?” and “what are you going to do with that?” questions, use those questions as a way to learn valuable information for your own career search.
Most of those people are not you
Most of those people you are dreading making small talk with have jobs. Maybe they have interesting jobs. Maybe they hate their job but you would love it. Maybe they do a job you’ve wondered about. Maybe their job is something you’ve never heard of but would find really rewarding.
However it turns out, chances are they aren’t you and don’t have your particular configuration of experience and hope — and that means you can learn from them.
Seriously, when you think about your mother’s open house, with all the neighbours and old friends and relatives you see once a year, think of it as one big pool of informants all gathered together in one room.
People love to talk about themselves
And they like to help other people.
Unlike many of the things you might actually want to know about these people, it is socially acceptable to ask someone what their job is. Even better, they’ll love you if you ask follow up questions.
- What exactly does that involve? I’m not familiar with that kind of job.
- That sounds interesting, how did you get into it?
- What kinds of people do you work with?
Pick up on any detail that really does interest you and ask about it. If anything (really, anything) about what they tell you intrigues you, let the person you are speaking to know that you are exploring possibilities for when you finish your degree (or exploring possibilities because the job market isn’t so good, or exploring possibilities because you’re thinking of changing careers).
You don’t have to talk very long. If they are doing something really interesting and you’d like to talk more, ask them if you could contact them in the new year to learn more. Get their name and phone number.
Also eavesdrop on conversations. If people are talking about their work what does that tell you about their jobs? It’ll be partial but it’s all data.
What if they’re insulted?
I know how uncomfortable you’ve felt when people have asked you what you do. It makes sense you are worried about making others feel uncomfortable.
If you sense any discomfort, reassure them that you are in the same position they are. You don’t have an answer you are comfortable with. Let them know that you are trying to be more open to the myriad possibilities and are genuinely interested in the choices other people have made as you make big decisions in your own life. That in itself might open up an interesting conversation.
If you are worried about insulting the stay-at-home moms, show equivalent interest in that career choice. Ask them about their kids. Or hobbies. You don’t have to be 100% instrumental.
Same with people who are unemployed. Commiserate about the economy. Ask them what they used to do. Don’t assume that someone who isn’t employed now couldn’t get an interesting enough job soon and think of you.
It’s okay if this seems too weird to try
Whether you go to the party or not and whatever you celebrate at this time of year, enjoy your holiday.
Edited November 21, 2017.
I did this recently at my husband’s parents’ wedding anniversary. Now I have some useful contacts up my sleeve.
But it is also important to have a good response when asked “what do you do?”. No matter how frustrating and shambolic your career might be, it is best to have a positive response to this question rather than a whinge about how life is treating you. People are attracted by a reasoned but optimistic response and while you should slip in a little bit about how you are looking for something more, your positive attitude is more likely to elicit useful suggestions and offers of help. This is easy to say but it has taken me months to learn this lesson!
Of course, it goes without saying that you should plan to attend these events. It doesn’t have to be every single one, but you should choose the ones that are important (the one hosted by your department and the Dean in your faculty) and mark them in your calendar and attend for at least some of the time.